Why Don't Men Cry?

I was talking to a friend the other night who asked me how I got my husband to be a man who is willing to cry.
Anyone who has seen Thomas Tadlock on stage or in person knows he does not hide his emotions, and tears will flow when he talks about painful events in his life.
And yet he is super masculine. He is big and strong, a solid wall of muscle, and has beautiful open heart.
My friend assumed that because I am a psychiatrist, I must have figured out how to get him to open up, since many men do not feel comfortable letting other people see them cry.

I admitted to her that I had nothing to do with it, but that his willingness to show his emotions was  something that really attracted me to him when I met him.
I didn't want to be with a man who felt the need to hide or guard his emotions from me.
But thinking about it more, I realized that his parents are not openly emotional at all, so he came to be this way on his own.
So I decided to ask him.

Me: "How did you come to be okay with letting people see you cry?"
Thomas: "It was courage."
Me: "What do you mean?"
Thomas: "I found the courage to really let people see who I am and how I feel."

And right then, he blew my mind. It was a simple answer, yet it is so deeply true.

Not many of us are truly brave enough to let people see who we are and how we feel.
Most people put on a show, and hide behind a persona of someone who is doing okay, feeling okay, even if they are suffering on the inside.

It isn't just men. I actually think women are even more expert in hiding their true feelings.
Women often take on kids, work, family, housework and more, and often make it seem like it's no big deal, when in fact they are exhausted and depleted.

I just finished a psychotherapy session with just such a woman.

She is beautiful and talented, and has always been the first to help everyone else in her life.
She took care of a depressed husband and emotionally volatile parents, and always faced everyone with a big gorgeous smile and an air of, "I am tough, I can handle everything".
In fact she actually told me that when I first met with her. 
The problem was, no one went out of their way to take care of her, and she felt anxious, unloved, and disrespected.
When I first met her, I could see all of this, and I told her,

"You are not titanium.
Stop trying to convince people that you are so tough, and they will start respecting your feelings."

She has taken huge steps in turning this around, and has vastly improved the relationships in her life. She lets people know how she feels and has set boundaries for herself.
She is taking care of her body.
Yet she mentioned today, she felt some embrassment after a friend said to her,

"It's weird to see you crying. The woman I know never cries."

So I talked to her about the courage she now has to let people see how she feels.
When she looked like she had it all together and nothing bothered her, she felt anxious, depressed and unloved.
Now that she is letting people see her struggle, her good days and bad days, she feels relieved, and loved and supported.

She has become so brave.

It takes great courage and strength to let people see who you really are.

So how do you come out of hiding? Here are the steps to becoming brave!

1) When someone hurts your feelings, say "Ouch, that hurt, did you mean to hurt me?"

2) When someone asks you, "How are you?", actually answer them honestly.
    Don't say "fine" or "good" if the real answer is "sad and overwhelmed".

3) Don't rob people of the good feeling they get to have when they take care of you.
    You enjoy taking care of others because it feels good.
    Let the people you love get the beautiful gift they will get taking care of you.
    You are not a burden, you are a gift.
   (How do you do this? See Step 2, Then move on to Step 4.)

4) If someone offers to help you with something, say yes.
    Just say yes. 

4) Let people see the full range of who you are,: that you are messy, you have gifts and struggles, 
    highs and lows.

                         Let them love you for who you truly are, not the persona you created. 

Brooke Goldner, M.D.
The Vegan Medical Doctor
VeganMedicalDoctor.com

Dr. Brooke Goldner is board certified in psychiatry and neurology, and helps clients recover from trauma, anxiety and depression using Skype and phone to see them in the comfort of their own homes.
She is certified in plant-based nutrition. 10 years ago, she healed herself of a deadly disease, Lupus, entirely with her nutrition protocol. She now used her healing protocol to teach clients how to use simple Supermarket foods to heal their bodies and live vibrant lives.
To learn more about Dr. G, go to VeganMedicalDoctor.com.

Technique to Help Recover from Loss, Pain, Anxiety and Depression

Negative emotions can be very scary, especially when they are powerful and deep. Some people fear they will be overtaken if they let themselves embrace these emotions, that they will be knocked down and unable to recover, so they try to suppress, repress, hold them in, ignore.
The problem is, the negativity remains, it is buried, but pulsating and growing in power, draining you, limiting your ability to feel happy and whole.

What has helped my clients and me work through difficult painful emotions, is understanding that emotions are like ocean waves. They can appear large and scary, but they always have a beginning, a peak, and an end when they ebb away.

While standing firm with your back to the wave might let you momentarily pretend it isn't there, not facing it will ultimately cause the painful wave to knock you on your face, leaving you bruised with a mouthful of sand.

If instead you swim out deep and face the wave, take your feet off the ground and float, and ride the wave and let it peak, it will eventually lessen in strength and lead you back to the shore, where you can get back on your feet again, tired, but alive and ready to move on and fill that space with joy and gratitude instead.

Whenever fear, anger, or hurt start encroaching into your consciousness, I encourage you to allow it in, to breathe deeply and let yourself feel it fully, let yourself cry if you need to, don't fight it.
If you let yourself feel it and embrace it, it will peak in strength, and then eventually fade away, since it cannot sustain itself at that level for long.

If something traumatic has happened, these waves may come on more than once, sometimes more than once a day.  Each time they come, remember the ocean waves, let go and let it through you. Over time, the tides will change, and the pain will lessen. This is called processing your emotions.

When I had a miscarriage a few years back, I cried through waves of horrible pain multiple times a day for about a week before the pain lifted and breathing became more comfortable again, without feeling a heavy weight on my chest. I have clients that have never let that kind of pain through them, and they still feel the loss of a baby from many years ago as if it happened today.

If you feel pain from an event in your past as if it just happened, you have unprocessed stuck emotions that need to come through you.
When the feelings come, let them through, breathe and release your body to the waves of emotion. You will get back on your feet again. 

Love Dr. G


Brooke Goldner, M.D.
The Vegan Medical Doctor
VeganMedicalDoctor.com

Dr. Brooke Goldner is board certified in psychiatry and neurology, and helps clients recover from trauma, anxiety and depression using Skype and phone to see them in the comfort of their own homes.
She is certified in plant-based nutrition. 10 years ago, she healed herself of a deadly disease, Lupus, entirely with her nutrition protocol. She now used her healing protocol to teach clients how to use simple Supermarket foods to heal their bodies and live vibrant lives.
To learn more about Dr. G, go to VeganMedicalDoctor.com.

Wired or Tired? Is there a Dark Side to Being Skinny?

I have seen some interesting trends in the media nowadays concerning fitness and and the downside to being thin.
 - I read an article about Kelly Clarkson where she said she is done with "starvation diets" and is trying to accept her body and the fact that she "cannot have a fast metabolism."
 - I read a blog where a woman says she used to be very fit and athletic but was miserable because she was always hungry and exhausted. Now that she is obese, she is happier and spends more time with her family.
 - Today while I warmed up on the stair-climber at the gym, I saw a commercial for Dr. Oz where the announcer's startling voice commanded, "Wired or Tired! The Dark Side of Being Skinny", while images of fit women flashed on the screen.

These stories make me a bit sad and a LOT motivated to help people understand the truth about metabolism, and how to get the body they want without starving themselves, or feeling exhausted.
In fact, my husband Thomas Tadlock and I teach this at our Metabolic Mastery Intensive.

Here are the basics:

1. Your metabolism is a measurement of the health of your cells.
When you have a fast metabolism, it means that your cells are completely nourished and perform any functions you ask of them quickly and easily, whether that means losing fat, building muscle, or healing disease.  If you struggle with any of these areas, you have a slow metabolism, even if you are thin.

2. You can be thin and be unhealthy.
Yes, your waistline is not the ultimate measurement of your health, since you can starve yourself skinny (or work out until your burn the few calories you consumed). If you have a fast metabolism, you can eat a large meal, or take off a couple weeks from the gym, and your body will maintain it's fitness level and you will not gain fat. If you have a slow metabolism, then as soon as you indulge, like over the holidays, your waistline starts to grow and the tears start to flow.

3. Don't count calories, because calories don't count.
As Thomas Tadlock teaches, calories are a measurement of how much heat is released when you set a food on fire. Therefore, counting the calories in your food as a way of measuring how healthy they are, is like trying to determine the value of your house by burning it down.   A diet cupcake might have less calories than a your vegetable stew, but it isn't going to get you the health you want.

4. Counting Macronutrients (proteins, carbohydrates and fats) is a guessing game that won't build your metabolism.
While programs that have you measuring these macronutrients might provide temporary results in building muscle and losing fat, they do not take into account the micronutrients your cells need, like vitamins and minerals, and do not build your metabolism.
They are also a best guess as to what building blocks your body might need, and the same numbers do not work the same way for every body.

4. LOAD UP ON MICRONUTRIENTS and watch your cells Leap into action!
We get essential vitamins and minerals, as well as enzymes and phytonutrients from raw greens, vegetables and fruits. These are the building blocks your cells need to function - and provide energy and the power to heal and change as we exercise. The best part? The more raw plant foods you eat, the fitter you become. That means you never have to be hungry.

5.If you are HUNGRY you are MALNOURISHED
Hunger is your body's way of signaling to you that it needs MORE nutrients. Some folks are in the habit of trying to trick their body with chewing gum or tea, or a diet bar that is low on micronutrients but is filling. I encourage you to LISTEN to your body, and when you are hungry, eat tons of greens and veggies, and some fruits, and fill your tummy. You won't get fat - it's not possible - but you will feel energized and motivated to continue on with your day.

What's the moral of the story? If you are tired, you are malnourished, not caffeine deficient.
The choice is not "wired or tired", it's EAT or DEPLETE!

Dr. G

Brooke Goldner, M.D.
The Vegan Medical Doctor
VeganMedicalDoctor.com

Dr. Brooke Goldner is board certified in psychiatry and neurology, and is certified in plant-based nutrition. 10 years ago, she healed herself of a deadly disease, Lupus, entirely with her nutrition protocol. She now used her healing protocol to teach clients how to use simple Supermarket foods to heal their bodies and live vibrant lives.
To learn more about Dr. G, go to VeganMedicalDoctor.com.

Can Nutritional Yeast cause Candida Infections?

I just had a healing-with-nutrition client tell me her other doctor told her she can't have nutritional yeast because she has a history of candida. Sigh.
Silly medical doctors, nutritional yeast can't cause candida!
It is a great source of protein, B12, and cheesy flavor, not infections!

Here is why.

Candida infections are an overgrowth of a yeast called Candida Albicans. Candida lives in moist places on your skin and in your intestines. Normally, it's growth is inhibited by close contact with the friendly bacteria that live there as well.
Candida infections in the gut typically come from overuse of antibiotics and some other medications that kill off too many friendly bacteria, making a nice clear path for the normally small colonies of yeast to grow like wildfire and spread to the point there are signs of illness like bloating, poor digestion, flatulence, and abdominal pain.

These infections can be worsened by a diet high in sugars, which encourage yeast to grow
(mmm... yeast love sugar),
as well as processed foods and saturated animal fats, which decrease the healthy bacteria in the gut and keep the yeast large and in charge in your gut.

If you tend to be chronically bloated and probiotics don't have lasting effects, you might have candida overgrowth.

So what about nutritional yeast?
Can eating a type of yeast make this worse?
Well for the uneducated consumer, that makes sense, and sadly in the nutrition world, most MD's fit in that category, heck I did too 10 years ago.

Nutritional yeast, also known as Nooch or Hippie Dust, is  made from the deactivated yeast species S. cerevisiae.
By deactivated, I mean it cannot reproduce and infect you.

It can however, infect vegan sauces with a wonderfully cheesy and delicious flavor, while providing a great source of vitamins, minerals (especially B12), and protein.

Got bloat? Don't nix the nooch!

Here is what you do:

1. Stay away from meat and dairy, which directly harm the friendly bacteria in your gut.
2. Avoid processed sugars.
3. If necessary, try a Candida Cleanse. (I like this one personally http://amzn.to/1JCLV15)
4. Nourish your body with healthy whole plant foods and plenty of water.
5. Enjoy your nooch!

Dr. G

Brooke Goldner, M.D.
The Vegan Medical Doctor
VeganMedicalDoctor.com


Dr. Brooke Goldner is board certified in psychiatry and neurology, and is certified in plant-based nutrition. 10 years ago, she healed herself of a deadly disease, Lupus, entirely with her nutrition protocol. She now used her healing protocol to teach clients how to use simple Supermarket foods to heal their bodies and live vibrant lives.
To learn more about Dr. G, go to VeganMedicalDoctor.com.