Why Don't Men Cry?

I was talking to a friend the other night who asked me how I got my husband to be a man who is willing to cry.
Anyone who has seen Thomas Tadlock on stage or in person knows he does not hide his emotions, and tears will flow when he talks about painful events in his life.
And yet he is super masculine. He is big and strong, a solid wall of muscle, and has beautiful open heart.
My friend assumed that because I am a psychiatrist, I must have figured out how to get him to open up, since many men do not feel comfortable letting other people see them cry.

I admitted to her that I had nothing to do with it, but that his willingness to show his emotions was  something that really attracted me to him when I met him.
I didn't want to be with a man who felt the need to hide or guard his emotions from me.
But thinking about it more, I realized that his parents are not openly emotional at all, so he came to be this way on his own.
So I decided to ask him.

Me: "How did you come to be okay with letting people see you cry?"
Thomas: "It was courage."
Me: "What do you mean?"
Thomas: "I found the courage to really let people see who I am and how I feel."

And right then, he blew my mind. It was a simple answer, yet it is so deeply true.

Not many of us are truly brave enough to let people see who we are and how we feel.
Most people put on a show, and hide behind a persona of someone who is doing okay, feeling okay, even if they are suffering on the inside.

It isn't just men. I actually think women are even more expert in hiding their true feelings.
Women often take on kids, work, family, housework and more, and often make it seem like it's no big deal, when in fact they are exhausted and depleted.

I just finished a psychotherapy session with just such a woman.

She is beautiful and talented, and has always been the first to help everyone else in her life.
She took care of a depressed husband and emotionally volatile parents, and always faced everyone with a big gorgeous smile and an air of, "I am tough, I can handle everything".
In fact she actually told me that when I first met with her. 
The problem was, no one went out of their way to take care of her, and she felt anxious, unloved, and disrespected.
When I first met her, I could see all of this, and I told her,

"You are not titanium.
Stop trying to convince people that you are so tough, and they will start respecting your feelings."

She has taken huge steps in turning this around, and has vastly improved the relationships in her life. She lets people know how she feels and has set boundaries for herself.
She is taking care of her body.
Yet she mentioned today, she felt some embrassment after a friend said to her,

"It's weird to see you crying. The woman I know never cries."

So I talked to her about the courage she now has to let people see how she feels.
When she looked like she had it all together and nothing bothered her, she felt anxious, depressed and unloved.
Now that she is letting people see her struggle, her good days and bad days, she feels relieved, and loved and supported.

She has become so brave.

It takes great courage and strength to let people see who you really are.

So how do you come out of hiding? Here are the steps to becoming brave!

1) When someone hurts your feelings, say "Ouch, that hurt, did you mean to hurt me?"

2) When someone asks you, "How are you?", actually answer them honestly.
    Don't say "fine" or "good" if the real answer is "sad and overwhelmed".

3) Don't rob people of the good feeling they get to have when they take care of you.
    You enjoy taking care of others because it feels good.
    Let the people you love get the beautiful gift they will get taking care of you.
    You are not a burden, you are a gift.
   (How do you do this? See Step 2, Then move on to Step 4.)

4) If someone offers to help you with something, say yes.
    Just say yes. 

4) Let people see the full range of who you are,: that you are messy, you have gifts and struggles, 
    highs and lows.

                         Let them love you for who you truly are, not the persona you created. 

Brooke Goldner, M.D.
The Vegan Medical Doctor
VeganMedicalDoctor.com

Dr. Brooke Goldner is board certified in psychiatry and neurology, and helps clients recover from trauma, anxiety and depression using Skype and phone to see them in the comfort of their own homes.
She is certified in plant-based nutrition. 10 years ago, she healed herself of a deadly disease, Lupus, entirely with her nutrition protocol. She now used her healing protocol to teach clients how to use simple Supermarket foods to heal their bodies and live vibrant lives.
To learn more about Dr. G, go to VeganMedicalDoctor.com.

Technique to Help Recover from Loss, Pain, Anxiety and Depression

Negative emotions can be very scary, especially when they are powerful and deep. Some people fear they will be overtaken if they let themselves embrace these emotions, that they will be knocked down and unable to recover, so they try to suppress, repress, hold them in, ignore.
The problem is, the negativity remains, it is buried, but pulsating and growing in power, draining you, limiting your ability to feel happy and whole.

What has helped my clients and me work through difficult painful emotions, is understanding that emotions are like ocean waves. They can appear large and scary, but they always have a beginning, a peak, and an end when they ebb away.

While standing firm with your back to the wave might let you momentarily pretend it isn't there, not facing it will ultimately cause the painful wave to knock you on your face, leaving you bruised with a mouthful of sand.

If instead you swim out deep and face the wave, take your feet off the ground and float, and ride the wave and let it peak, it will eventually lessen in strength and lead you back to the shore, where you can get back on your feet again, tired, but alive and ready to move on and fill that space with joy and gratitude instead.

Whenever fear, anger, or hurt start encroaching into your consciousness, I encourage you to allow it in, to breathe deeply and let yourself feel it fully, let yourself cry if you need to, don't fight it.
If you let yourself feel it and embrace it, it will peak in strength, and then eventually fade away, since it cannot sustain itself at that level for long.

If something traumatic has happened, these waves may come on more than once, sometimes more than once a day.  Each time they come, remember the ocean waves, let go and let it through you. Over time, the tides will change, and the pain will lessen. This is called processing your emotions.

When I had a miscarriage a few years back, I cried through waves of horrible pain multiple times a day for about a week before the pain lifted and breathing became more comfortable again, without feeling a heavy weight on my chest. I have clients that have never let that kind of pain through them, and they still feel the loss of a baby from many years ago as if it happened today.

If you feel pain from an event in your past as if it just happened, you have unprocessed stuck emotions that need to come through you.
When the feelings come, let them through, breathe and release your body to the waves of emotion. You will get back on your feet again. 

Love Dr. G


Brooke Goldner, M.D.
The Vegan Medical Doctor
VeganMedicalDoctor.com

Dr. Brooke Goldner is board certified in psychiatry and neurology, and helps clients recover from trauma, anxiety and depression using Skype and phone to see them in the comfort of their own homes.
She is certified in plant-based nutrition. 10 years ago, she healed herself of a deadly disease, Lupus, entirely with her nutrition protocol. She now used her healing protocol to teach clients how to use simple Supermarket foods to heal their bodies and live vibrant lives.
To learn more about Dr. G, go to VeganMedicalDoctor.com.

Wired or Tired? Is there a Dark Side to Being Skinny?

I have seen some interesting trends in the media nowadays concerning fitness and and the downside to being thin.
 - I read an article about Kelly Clarkson where she said she is done with "starvation diets" and is trying to accept her body and the fact that she "cannot have a fast metabolism."
 - I read a blog where a woman says she used to be very fit and athletic but was miserable because she was always hungry and exhausted. Now that she is obese, she is happier and spends more time with her family.
 - Today while I warmed up on the stair-climber at the gym, I saw a commercial for Dr. Oz where the announcer's startling voice commanded, "Wired or Tired! The Dark Side of Being Skinny", while images of fit women flashed on the screen.

These stories make me a bit sad and a LOT motivated to help people understand the truth about metabolism, and how to get the body they want without starving themselves, or feeling exhausted.
In fact, my husband Thomas Tadlock and I teach this at our Metabolic Mastery Intensive.

Here are the basics:

1. Your metabolism is a measurement of the health of your cells.
When you have a fast metabolism, it means that your cells are completely nourished and perform any functions you ask of them quickly and easily, whether that means losing fat, building muscle, or healing disease.  If you struggle with any of these areas, you have a slow metabolism, even if you are thin.

2. You can be thin and be unhealthy.
Yes, your waistline is not the ultimate measurement of your health, since you can starve yourself skinny (or work out until your burn the few calories you consumed). If you have a fast metabolism, you can eat a large meal, or take off a couple weeks from the gym, and your body will maintain it's fitness level and you will not gain fat. If you have a slow metabolism, then as soon as you indulge, like over the holidays, your waistline starts to grow and the tears start to flow.

3. Don't count calories, because calories don't count.
As Thomas Tadlock teaches, calories are a measurement of how much heat is released when you set a food on fire. Therefore, counting the calories in your food as a way of measuring how healthy they are, is like trying to determine the value of your house by burning it down.   A diet cupcake might have less calories than a your vegetable stew, but it isn't going to get you the health you want.

4. Counting Macronutrients (proteins, carbohydrates and fats) is a guessing game that won't build your metabolism.
While programs that have you measuring these macronutrients might provide temporary results in building muscle and losing fat, they do not take into account the micronutrients your cells need, like vitamins and minerals, and do not build your metabolism.
They are also a best guess as to what building blocks your body might need, and the same numbers do not work the same way for every body.

4. LOAD UP ON MICRONUTRIENTS and watch your cells Leap into action!
We get essential vitamins and minerals, as well as enzymes and phytonutrients from raw greens, vegetables and fruits. These are the building blocks your cells need to function - and provide energy and the power to heal and change as we exercise. The best part? The more raw plant foods you eat, the fitter you become. That means you never have to be hungry.

5.If you are HUNGRY you are MALNOURISHED
Hunger is your body's way of signaling to you that it needs MORE nutrients. Some folks are in the habit of trying to trick their body with chewing gum or tea, or a diet bar that is low on micronutrients but is filling. I encourage you to LISTEN to your body, and when you are hungry, eat tons of greens and veggies, and some fruits, and fill your tummy. You won't get fat - it's not possible - but you will feel energized and motivated to continue on with your day.

What's the moral of the story? If you are tired, you are malnourished, not caffeine deficient.
The choice is not "wired or tired", it's EAT or DEPLETE!

Dr. G

Brooke Goldner, M.D.
The Vegan Medical Doctor
VeganMedicalDoctor.com

Dr. Brooke Goldner is board certified in psychiatry and neurology, and is certified in plant-based nutrition. 10 years ago, she healed herself of a deadly disease, Lupus, entirely with her nutrition protocol. She now used her healing protocol to teach clients how to use simple Supermarket foods to heal their bodies and live vibrant lives.
To learn more about Dr. G, go to VeganMedicalDoctor.com.

Can Nutritional Yeast cause Candida Infections?

I just had a healing-with-nutrition client tell me her other doctor told her she can't have nutritional yeast because she has a history of candida. Sigh.
Silly medical doctors, nutritional yeast can't cause candida!
It is a great source of protein, B12, and cheesy flavor, not infections!

Here is why.

Candida infections are an overgrowth of a yeast called Candida Albicans. Candida lives in moist places on your skin and in your intestines. Normally, it's growth is inhibited by close contact with the friendly bacteria that live there as well.
Candida infections in the gut typically come from overuse of antibiotics and some other medications that kill off too many friendly bacteria, making a nice clear path for the normally small colonies of yeast to grow like wildfire and spread to the point there are signs of illness like bloating, poor digestion, flatulence, and abdominal pain.

These infections can be worsened by a diet high in sugars, which encourage yeast to grow
(mmm... yeast love sugar),
as well as processed foods and saturated animal fats, which decrease the healthy bacteria in the gut and keep the yeast large and in charge in your gut.

If you tend to be chronically bloated and probiotics don't have lasting effects, you might have candida overgrowth.

So what about nutritional yeast?
Can eating a type of yeast make this worse?
Well for the uneducated consumer, that makes sense, and sadly in the nutrition world, most MD's fit in that category, heck I did too 10 years ago.

Nutritional yeast, also known as Nooch or Hippie Dust, is  made from the deactivated yeast species S. cerevisiae.
By deactivated, I mean it cannot reproduce and infect you.

It can however, infect vegan sauces with a wonderfully cheesy and delicious flavor, while providing a great source of vitamins, minerals (especially B12), and protein.

Got bloat? Don't nix the nooch!

Here is what you do:

1. Stay away from meat and dairy, which directly harm the friendly bacteria in your gut.
2. Avoid processed sugars.
3. If necessary, try a Candida Cleanse. (I like this one personally http://amzn.to/1JCLV15)
4. Nourish your body with healthy whole plant foods and plenty of water.
5. Enjoy your nooch!

Dr. G

Brooke Goldner, M.D.
The Vegan Medical Doctor
VeganMedicalDoctor.com


Dr. Brooke Goldner is board certified in psychiatry and neurology, and is certified in plant-based nutrition. 10 years ago, she healed herself of a deadly disease, Lupus, entirely with her nutrition protocol. She now used her healing protocol to teach clients how to use simple Supermarket foods to heal their bodies and live vibrant lives.
To learn more about Dr. G, go to VeganMedicalDoctor.com.

To The Baby I Lost, Coping With Miscarriage

I wrote this letter to my baby after a miscarriage at 3 months. I read this to him at a ceremony we had in our backyard. My husband read his own letter, then we burned them and released our love into the universe. Writing and reading this, and celebrating his short life, helped us move forward. While I still feel some sadness at his passing, letting myself mourn with my husband made it bearable. If you haven't allowed yourself to mourn, please do so, so your heart can heal too.  Love Dr. G

To My Baby,  My Second Child.

You were here, in your physical body, for such a short time, before your heart stopped beating and you left me.

I cannot describe the pain I feel, never to be able to see your face ,

kiss your nose,

feel you nurse

and watch you sleep in my arms.

Yet I was not meant to know these things. You were not meant for the physical world.

I saw you, I heard you, and I felt you in my womb. We were together and bonded.

We always will be.

Your beautiful spirit is strong and vibrant.

It was not meant to be bound in your little body.

It was meant to be free.

I do not know if there are souls or whether you still know me or even yourself.

I do know that your spirit is energy, and energy cannot be created or destroyed, only dispersed into the universe from which it came.

You are free now.

I am so glad I knew you and cradled you for your brief time as a living being.

I am honored I was the one who got to feel your beautiful spirit.

I will always remember you. I will always love you, I will always miss you.

I can only make peace knowing you are where you are meant to be.

You were meant to be free.

An Important Lesson I Learned From My First Baby

When I was pregnant with my first son, I wanted to be as prepared as possible for my foray into parenthood. As a physician, I was committed to breastfeeding until age two, to guarantee my child the best possible health.  As a psychiatrist, I was ready to give my child the most appropriate challenges for his developmental stage. As a diligent Jewish mother-to-be, I was already scoping out the preschool at the local JCC where they promised to teach my son how to “become a mench.”  What I was not prepared for, was for my son to have his own plans from the start.
I thought I had a birth plan.

I had a birth plan in hand by the time the two lines showed up on the 6^th pregnancy I took  (somehow 5 tests wasn’t convincing).  I was in the best physical shape of my life when I got pregnant, and looked forward to using my powerful abdominal muscles to propel my son out of my body on the first push. Well, I learned there are pros and cons to having strong abs. On the plus side, I had very little discomfort during this pregnancy, my back never ached and I felt strong. The down side, was that my belly was so tight that my little guy was unable to turn around, and he was breech – butt first! My doctor believed an external version was doomed to fail, and very likely could cause a rupture, since my little one was so tightly cradled in my never-before-been-occupied womb, covered in layers of muscle. So my dream of an amazing, powerful, (possibly) natural birth became a scheduled c-section. This was heart-breaking, but I reminded myself that the most important outcome of childbirth was a healthy baby and a healthy Mommy, so I exhaled, accepted the news, and chose a date. I chose Groundhog's Day so I can forever tell the joke that I hoped he wouldn't see his shadow and crawl back into my womb.

When my son was born, he was truly the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. He had long lashes and beautiful big eyes and a precious little mouth. I cried with joy every time I looked at him. I never once thought back to my birth plan with chagrin: he was perfect, everything that brought him here was perfect.

I thought I knew how to Breastfeed.
When I came out of recovery, I immediately brought him to my breast and he instinctively latched on…tightly. I really thought I was ready to nurse: I had taken breastfeeding classes at the hospital, I had read the book by the La Leche League, and I had watched numerous videos on nursing. I looked forward to the beautiful, placid moments where I would gaze at my newborn while he contentedly nursed on my breast.  It looked as though my baby was latching properly, even the lactation consultant at the hospital said so, but it was excruciating! I still brought him to my breast every 3 hours on demand, in spite of the pain, because I knew he needed my milk. I had resolved I would never give him synthetic formula with toxic corn syrup and cow milk proteins, when my own breasts were producing plenty of milk.  I figured it had to get better, right? When we got home from the hospital, my husband confided in a friend about how I cursed like a sailor every time the baby latched, and she provided the name and number of her (blessed) lactation consultant. She came the very next day and stayed for 4 hours. I cried, I practiced, I cried some more. With a few adjustments I was able to latch my baby with minimal pain, and she taught me some tips on how to nurse while I was healing, so I never needed to give him the dreaded formula, nor interrupt his learning about nursing by confusing him with a bottle. Finally, things were looking up, and I anticipated the calluses the lactation consultant promised would form by 6 weeks old.  I could finally look forward to those peaceful happy nursing sessions.

I thought I had Breastfeeding Locked in. 

And things did get better. 6 weeks was indeed a magic number; suddenly nursing was no longer painful, and my baby and I were doing great. I was planning to go back to work part-time when he was 4 months old, so at 3 months we started introducing a bottle of pumped milk. A few weeks later, something happened. My previously content nurser was having episodes of crying during feedings. He would eagerly latch as if hungry, then cry when the milk came. It was only once in a while at first, and then escalated to every session, finally culminating in a day when he literally cried every time I showed him my breast. The only way I could nurse him was by rocking him until he was almost asleep and then latching him. One night, my baby was hungry and crying, and couldn’t be soothed. My husband finally suggested we try a bottle. Sure enough, he happily sucked down the bottle of pumped milk and went to sleep. I was so frustrated!  After everything we had been through to learn how to nurse, now he was rejecting me for a bottle!The next morning, I called my ever-on-call lactation consultant. She determined I likely had an oversupply of milk.  The bottle offered a steady predictable flow of milk, while my breasts were literally choking him! She insisted it was vital to get him back on the breast and told me to stop bottles and try to nurse him when he was the most relaxed. I followed her tips for reducing supply, but breastfeeding was still a battle.  This was really stressful for both of us, so one day I decided to give us both a break, and have a skin to skin day home alone with my baby. Lying there cuddling with my sweet baby boy, I had an epiphany; the most important thing to me was not that he nursed, but that he got my milk. Of course it would be more convenient and enjoyable to nurse him myself, but what really mattered to me was that he would be healthy and strong, protected from illness. I realized that there would be many struggles over the course of his life, but this issue didn’t have to be a struggle. I could let him win.

The next day I started pumping full time and feeding him by bottle. My stressed out, crying baby turned into a happy, content baby.  True to my original plan, I pumped him breast milk until he was 2 years old. On his second birthday, I elatedly retired my pump. Many people think it’s crazy that I pumped for 2 years, but if I were crazy, I would know it, being a shrink and all.  It was an exhaustive effort, and I did things I never imagined doing; like pumping while driving (a real conversation-starter if you get pulled over), in bathrooms, and even at the gate in an airport. I did it because I was determined to give my child the best chance at health and because it made me feel like a good Mommy.

I learned to Let go.

So what is the most important lesson that I learned from this, and continued to learn? That as parents and parents-to-be, we must make plans, we must educate ourselves and decide what we would like to happen, whether it's our birth plan, feeding plans, schooling or any of the other many decisions we face as parents. Then, we must be willing to let go of those plans, and let our children guide us to what we will actually do. With planning and willingness to let go, there is harmony and space for all of us to grow.

Brooke Goldner, M.D. is a board certified physician specializing in psychiatry. She currently works from home using Skype to treat patients living in California, so she can do the job she loves while still getting to nurse her second baby and play Star Wars with the oldest between patients. 
You can contact her at www.SkypePsychiatrist.com or DrG@SkypePsychiatrist.com

Are Disney Movies Good for Your Children? A Psychiatrist weighs in.

I have always loved Disney. I’ve seen almost all of their movies and can sing along to most of the songs. My husband and I got Disneyland passes as soon as we moved to Southern California; we had no children yet, we just loved to go together and experience the magical place where everyone smiles and wears silly hats and lets themselves have a blast with out feeling self conscious. When we had our first son, we couldn’t wait to take him there, although he slept through most of the magic for the first year.

Now that he is older, I have been watching the Disney movies with him and I find myself seeing them quite differently. Instead of sitting back with some popcorn and singing along, I find myself questioning the lessons he is learning from these movies, and I find myself glad I don’t have a daughter to explain them to. What’s the big deal, you ask?

From my observations thus far, the Disney movies largely have a very negative way of representing women, even though superficially they seem to honor women for their beauty, they have the potential to set young girls up for a value system that will steer them poorly in romance and self esteem for the rest of their lives. These negative messages may also influence the way young boys understand women.

The princess movies are by far the most damaging for young girls and potentially young boys who believe women want to relive these movies. Consider Beauty and the Beast, which superficially has the message to love people for their inner beauty, and don’t judge them by their looks. Great, huh? Let’s look more deeply.  First, the opening song sings about how everyone thinks Bell is very odd and they cannot relate to her at all. Why is she so strange and off-putting? Because she likes to read!!! Her nerdiness is thankfully saved by her extraordinary beauty, and we soon find out that the most popular man in town, Gaston, is determined to marry her because of her unmatched beauty, he says , “The most beautiful girl in town. That makes her the best! And don't I deserve the best?” So what is the message here? Girls, reading will only make people think you are weird, and it doesn’t matter how strange you are or whether people like your personality, as long as you are physically beautiful the popular guys will want you. Hmm, that doesn’t seem right. Well let’s examine the male lead, that of the Beast. Bell quickly falls in love with him in spite of how scary and horrifying he looks, because he is good on the inside. No, wait, he is not good on the inside at all, he is angry, merciless and cruel, and takes Bell hostage because she trades her life for that of her sick father’s life after her father was imprisoned by the Beast for having the audacity to come onto his property. Not only does the Beast make Bell swear to stay in his castle for her entire life, he is cruel and domineering and makes her cry repeatedly. In spite of all of this, Bell falls in love with him. Her love changes him for the better, and he transforms into a beautiful prince and marries her.  Wow, now this is a messed up but familiar story I see women reliving in therapy all the time: they find a man who is cruel and vicious and yet they believe their love will transform him into a better person.  Does it sound familiar to you?  Boys get the lesson that the way to win over a beautiful woman is to have a huge mansion and treat her like crap.

So now you may be thinking, okay that is not the best choice for my kids, but the other ones seem more harmless, right? What about The Little Mermaid? Okay The Little Mermaid is about a 16 year old Mermaid who falls in love with a prince based solely on how handsome he is, She disobeys her father, sells her voice to a witch for some legs, causes her father to almost be killed, puts all the mermaids and mermen in danger repeatedly, and then gets the prince to fall in love with her and they get married and live happily every after. She can never return home because she is no longer a mermaid.  What is the message here? One of them is surely that teenagers know better than their parents. Another one is that teenage girls will marry the first handsome guy they see and he is the right one for her no matter what her parents say. Oh and don’t forget that a women should give up everything and everyone in her life for a guy. Let’s also note that you are not good enough exactly as you are, you must change yourself to be right for the man you are after. I could go on but I think you’ve got the point.  How about the message for the boys? How about if you are rich and handsome, you should expect a women to sacrifice everything to be with you.

Oy, this is getting rough. I loved those two movies when I didn’t have children!

How about Cinderella? Other women will hate you if you are beautiful and will try to ruin your life. Also, marry the first man who pays attention to you so can get out of your parent’s house.  Oh, and does anyone else wonder why she would accept a marriage proposal from a man who didn’t even remember what she looked like? That’s some desperation.

Ok. Snow White then, that seems harmless enough. Lesson 1) (again) other women will hate you if you are beautiful and will try to bring you down, lesson 2) If you are beautiful enough, a prince of a man will want to marry you on sight, even if you are dead (or have no personality, nothing else to offer) 3) If you are a rich prince, beautiful women will want to marry you without knowing anything else about you.

Oh no! How about The Princess and the Frog?  Surely that is a love story that has value? Shall we talk about the blonde friend who will marry any prince sight unseen just so she can be a princess? How about the main character who actually believes that she is going to be the one to change a player who carelessly spends his parents money to the point that they cut him off, describes his joys in life to be blondes, brunettes and redheads, and wanders aimlessly with no job trying to find a wife to support him. Again, we see this magical idea that a woman can change a man just by loving him. Sigh.

We see these themes over and over again, how Jasmine falls for Aladdin, a thief and a liar, as does Rapunzel. And now that I’ve mentioned Rapunzel, they went over the top with the “love changes a man“ theme in this one. Poor sheltered, innocent Rapunzel falls in love with an arrogant womanizing (they point out that women always fall for his “smolder”) thief and a liar.  He is extremely handsome and he falls for her innocence and charm.  Their love changes him and they get married and live happily every after. However, it seems to me the con man won after all: early in the movie he says that he wants a castle and he accidently ends up meeting the kidnapped princess and saves her, putting him right into position to be accepted into the royal family, which he is. Did he change or did he con us all? Only time will tell. Even if he really is transformed, the problem is, you child won’t understand that this is a highly unusual scenario where a criminal becomes the hero, and she will look towards handsome charming bad boys as potential future princes. Don’t we see this all the time?

I was horrified last year when I saw my otherwise intelligent amazing girlfriends going gaga for the Fifty Shades of Grey books, where a young innocent girl is emotionally and physically abused by a domineering, angry, man who is rich and handsome.  This guy was rich, handsome AND a bad boy, that’s a keeper according to Disney!  Sure enough, her love changes him and they live happily ever after. Sigh, ladies, we need to do better than this!

You are probably as alarmed as I was the first time I actually started going through these movies in my head and kept shaking my head “no, no” every time I realized the messages of the movies. Does this mean you should boycott Disney movies? Not necessarily. I think it’s okay to watch them with your kids as long as you discuss the movie afterwards and find out what your child is taking away from it.  This is a good idea to do after any movie.  Notice I encourage you to watch with your kids. Some parents use movies as a way to park their kids in front of the TV so they can get some things done.  Believe me I understand this, and if you feel like you need to do this, pick something you already know well and feel comfortable with them watching. I also encourage you to find a variety of different types of movies and stories, ones that show women in strong roles, families who listen to each other and support each other, and definitely ones where girls want more than to be crowned princesses and boys are not taught that girls just go after bad boys and rich guys.  

Brooke Goldner, M.D. is a board-certified physician specialized in Psychiatry. She exclusively treats patients using telepsychiatry, seeing them on Skype in the comfort of their own homes. To hear more about her free tips for healthy and happy living, check out her facebook page, facebook.com/DoctorGMD. Check out her website at SkypePsychiatrist.com